Don't understand..random thoughts..

I began seeking God for the man I fell completely in love with. It started for him, and has developed into this amazing journey all my own. And I’m so blessed for having had Josh bring me back to God, the God that I was away from for seven years.

Just like anything in life, your on an amazing path and something for no good reason gets in your head, evil toys with your thoughts and you lash out without reason. Once this happens you can’t take it back. Its done and all you can do is cross your fingers and hope for a second chance, forgiveness for a mistake. And hope to move on and mend bridges.

We were together for seven wonderful months. And because of a few bumpy patches we turned away from one another and as I tried to seek him, he shut me out. I never got to share with him  my journey. Due to miscommunication, hurtful words and hurtful actions, I lashed out, he turned away.

I never realized that loving someone unconditionally, without question, giving nothing but love, support and a shoulder to lean on, attending church together and having a relationship that many almost dream of can be turned off like a light switch. Like it never happened, didn’t exist. Left to think it was all only a dream. 

Never in my wildest dreams had I thought caring for someone could turn out this way. Never did I think asking someone to go pray with me would turn into a horrible thing. God works in interesting ways. And I appreciate, I surrender and I allow God’s will to be done.

But what I don’t understand, and I may never understand, is they say what God brings together let no man put asunder….or those that pray together stay together. We may have never actually prayed together but I prayed for him, us and our forever every time we were together while cuddling on the couch, holding hands in the car…any quiet chance I got..and I still pray for him.