Almost Had It!

I've almost had it with what I call my life. Not that I'm thinking anything stupid. Just thinking that maybe its time for a complete overhaul of everything. What I own, what I buy and the people in my life. I'm finding lately that its easier to be alone with myself and my thoughts than be around people. Why? Because everything seems to suffocate me. Or wants to get in the way of my walk with God. And I just got him back in my life. Its hard enough right now to surrender and put all my faith, trust and hope in him for what his will for my life is. 

Almost everyday I'm met with someone, something that tries to steer me away from my prayers, thoughts and what he has told me. And I couldn't be more frustrated.

As if I don't already have my own questioning, my own wonders and my own issues with knowing I'm hearing God or not. 

I know that not everyone believes in God, I know there are many that struggle and wonder what has he ever done for me. But honestly, why when someone finds peace, and feels that he's really talking to them do they have to be so judgmental, rude and treat you as if you belong in a padded room?

People find God in all different walks of life, and that's when you need him the most. Right now, the Lord is really all I've got to get me through. Because if God is for me? Who can be against me?

In the bible Matthew 10:39 says Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it. Talks about giving up your life, not in the literally sense. But getting rid of the life you have and committing it to God. Depending, trusting and having faith in him. 

I'm realizing that this walk, relationship with God is a lot more than I bargained for. However the first time he spoke to me he stated Romans 2:6 God “will repay each person according to what they have done.” And in so many of the other scriptures he's used to talk to me. 

It might be frustrating, I might feel as if I'm walking in hell, but I know, without a shadow of a doubt he's walking with me, protecting me, speaking to me and it gives me great peace. Its all the outside nose, irritations and everything else that break me down.

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Dear Lord, I love you so much. And I thank you for this journey, I thank you for all the things you've done and all the things you've shown and told me. Please continue to guide me, mold me, and lead me to where you want me to be. Keep the evil away from me, I want nothing to do with it. I don't want to question you. And I'm sorry when I do. For all the outside stuff has away of disguising itself as you. When its you I know, I feel it in every inch of my body. Please continue your work in me. And help me to be as strong as you intended me to be. And help surround me with people who walk the same walk, that know you are the Greatest being in the world and above. I have you, but I feel so lost right now. Bring me those that understand and don't find me crazy. In your name I pray!